What I looked 24 hours after I had a baby!

Over the past 5 months I’ve been searching (at times frantically) for a blog with some confidence boasting images of new moms gradually working off the baby weight…and then I came across this image.fullsizerender-21 (This image is, in fact, the exact image that pushed me over the edge and into a blog.) That’s Hilaria Baldwin 24 hours after giving birth to her third child in three years.

Admittedly, she’s looks amazing. I hope to one day look that amazing just in general, without having to give birth 24 hours beforehand. In fact, she looks shockingly similar to what I looked like at my skinniest, when I was a vegan after eating a burrito. Furthermore, if that’s what I looked like 24 hours after giving birth I too would take a selfie in my underwear and post it for all the world to see. Shoot, I would print out an 8×10, laminate it, & frame it. I’m sure she was trying to be encouraging and inspiring. I’m sure that was somewhat of an exposing image to share. And for that, in all sincerity, I applaud her. However, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that most women do not look like that 24 hours after giving birth, or a week after, or month after, or for some of us a year after. I’m 5 months out and I don’t look anything close to that.  Now, of course we likely have different body types, her body likely metabolizes food differently than mine, she’s a yoga instructor, she’s fit for a living,  she’s probably taller than me (fingers crossed by at least 5 inches) but that doesn’t exactly help.  You see, what I felt when I looked at her picture was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Embarrassed and ashamed of what I looked like 24 hours after giving birth because I looked nothing like her. It’s as if suddenly I forgot that my body, big and bulky as it got, grew a healthy, beautiful, little human. I should be proud of my body. I should be incredibly grateful for it. But I felt none of that, just shame and embarrassment. Honestly, that’s my problem not hers.  That’s my own unwarranted self-loathing. Feelings of embarrassment are not new pertaining to my pregnancy weight gain.  In fact, throughout the last months of my pregnancy I felt embarrassed a lot. I was huge and people commented endlessly. Strangers commonly said things like, “Whoa,” “Just about to pop, huh,” “You got twins in there?” or simply “Look at YOU!” For the most part it was fine, I was so excited to have this baby it didn’t really matter too much. But what really got to me was when people would ask when was due. I couldn’t lie…so I’d tell the truth…and then they would look at me like I was insane, because usually I still had a couple months to go. I doubt Mrs. Baldwin looked like this 9 months pregnant. But I did. fullsizerender-19That’s me five days before having little Lula. So, obviously I looked very different 24 hours after giving birth than she did.

In case anyone else out there needs some encouragement and possibly a more common image of a woman 24 hours after giving birth. Here I am!img_0333 That’s me 46 hours after having Lula. (Sorry, we didn’t take any pictures exactly 24 hours after.) That band I’m wearing was to help keep my still huge tummy from painfully falling over my cesarean incision. Today, I still don’t look like Hilaria Baldwin and I still have 8 to 13 pounds of baby weight to go. But I’m getting there slowly and that’s…honestly disappointing some days, but in reality it’s perfectly okay.

I’m going to stay focused, consistent, and I’ll get to my goal. When I do I too will post a selfie of my amazing post baby body in my underwear. (Just kidding.) However, I will post what I’ve been doing to take the baby weight off & if any other Mama’s out there have some tips, please let me know…asap!



60 pounds!!!

I gained 60 pounds while pregnant. Yup, 60 pounds! That’s literally double what you’re “supposed” to gain while growing a human. Nope, I did not eat whatever I wanted for nine months. In fact,  I worked out at least four times a week, I ate healthy, and only let myself have two cheat meals a week. Trust me, no one has ever eaten more kale that I did during my pregnancy.  I bloated so badly during my first trimester that I looked very pregnant from the start. Here’s me 2 months along. By 7 months pregnant I looked like I was going to pop. In fact, around the 7 month mark I was walking with one of my besties and a stranger sweetly asked if I was walking to induce labor! “Thanks, but fullsizerender-14No!”

It turned out I had Polyhydramnios, it’s basically too much amniotic fluid. My belly measured full term long before little Lula was fully cooked. In the end my 5’4 body kind of gave out, my blood pressure skyrocketed, and I was induced at 38 weeks, looking like this! 13147730_10207208199342402_988436519804852769_oTo be honest this picture really doesn’t do it justice.

I was huge! By the time I gave birth I weighed 190 pounds. I did gain some at the hospital because I was on fluids for almost twenty hours (that’s technically what pushed me to the 190 mark.) I came home weighing 2 pounds more than I did when I went into the hospital. I went in weighing 184 and came home weighing 186. Now, that was a shock. Lula was on the little side weighing only 6 pounds, 8 ounces at birth, but I thought I’d come home at least 10 pounds less than going in, not 2 pounds more!

Once I got home I felt like a swollen beast. I was swollen everywhere; my hands, my ankles, my feet, my face, my legs looked like tree trunks. I looked much worse coming home than I did going in. I was not prepared for that… at all.

Trying to get down to my pre-preg weight (between 125 -130 pounds) has been a challenge. It’s been five months since Lula’s birth and my weight is currently fluctuating between 140 & 145. There’s a pretty dramatic fluctuation depending on  what time I weigh myself and how much I’ve breastfed that day.

I’m just getting to the point where I’m starting to look a little bit more like myself. I can wear some of my old clothes. Most of my jeans are still a no-go and any of my pre-preg shirts that have to button over my boobs are out of the question. The girls were small once and now “small” is not the word I would use describe them.

So here I am today. 10 pounds to go…or 15 if I want all my jeans to fit.img_3152